Two Practices That Helped Me Reset and Reframe in Early Motherhood
Everyone will tell you (mom or not, female or not…) that yes hypothetically it’s obvious, when you become a mother, everything around you changes. Your body. Your schedule. Your relationships. Your identity. Your sense of time. Your ability to think in complete sentences.
But was I truly prepared for it after turning 40 and experiencing all this after thinking I couldn’t have children? No way. The ‘new norml’ (ew but it is what it is) exhaustion, and overwhelm of a completely changed life was real. But there was a lot more going on, too.
In the middle of everything about my life that changed, I guess I felt like I lost myself. When my mind wasn’t spinning from "am I doing this right?" spirals and the middle of the night feedings and the total panicked, painful, erratic moments there wasn’t anyone telling me
“You're still whole. You're still complete. You're still you”. That would have been nice to hear.
What I now know that I needed is practical tools (not aspirational wellness advice or Instagram mantras) to actually come back to myself when I felt like I was failing. Two practices have changed this for me. They're the ones I return to again and again, even now. They're the ones I teach every new mother I work with. And I'm sharing them with you today because if you're in the thick of early motherhood, you need them too.
The Problem: Some Things Change, Some Don’t
You are now responsible for something that never existed. You have to sort out a new being. Your baby's needs shift daily. Your body (that you barely recognize) heals on its own timeline. Your emotions swing from profound love to complete overwhelm in the span of ten minutes. You can't control any of it. But there’s still laundry, and it’s still your friends birthday, and you still have to be present and get groceries and do life stuff even though there was this fundamental shift in your entire way of being.
And when you can't control the dissonance of these truths colliding, your mind tries to control the only thing it can: you.
That's when random harsh and intrusive thoughts kick on:
- "I should be more patient."
- "I'm not bonding with my baby fast enough."
- "Other moms have it together. What's wrong with me?"
- "I should be able to do this without falling apart."
These judgments aren't truth. They're your mind trying to make sense of something that doesn't make sense. They're beliefs you picked up from somewhere, be it comparison, exhaustion, fear, or impossible standards. And they make everything harder.
Here's what I learned: If you can come back to yourself…if you can release the false beliefs and anchor into what's actually true, you can survive this. You can even thrive in it. Not by figuring it all out. But by building tools to navigate it. Then it’s time to focus on you, what you have done, are doing, will do. Without panic and random distractions. Without mental clutter trying to bog you down.
The Two Practices That Changed Everything
Practice 1: Compassionate Self-Forgiveness
This is the mindfulness practice that helped me release the harsh judgments that would appear out of nowhere critiquing me about myself as a mother. It ends up looking a lot like talking to yourself but that’s what makes it easy to learn and implement. It's a simple framework:
1. Identify the judgment. What harsh thought keeps repeating?
2. Forgive yourself for buying into the belief. "I forgive myself for believing I'm a bad mother because I felt resentful."
3. Ask if it's actually true. (Spoiler: it's not.)
4. Reframe with what IS true. "I can feel resentment when I'm exhausted and still be a good mother. Both are true."
Why this works:
You are not your harshest thoughts. Those thoughts are beliefs (often false ones) that you absorbed from somewhere. And you can choose to release them. This practice doesn't bypass the difficulty. It doesn't pretend everything is fine. It just stops the spiral of harsh self-judgment that makes growth and joy in these moments harder.
When I started using this:
- The "I'm failing" voice got quieter
- I stopped (mostly) comparing myself to other mothers
- I could acknowledge hard days without making them mean I was broken
- I remembered: I'm whole and complete, exactly as I am. I can be my own cheerleader.
Practice 2: Cultivating Your Inner Resource
This is the meditation tool that helped me rebuild an anchor when everything around me felt like it was unravelling. An Inner Resource is a felt sense of strength, safety, or calm that lives inside you and is always accessible, no matter what's happening externally. It's not a fantasy. It's not pretending you're okay when you're not. It's a real, body-based anchor you can return to when you're overwhelmed, exhausted, or losing yourself, perfect for feeling in the thick of the demands of motherhood.
How it works:
1. Recall a moment when you felt strong, safe, or grounded. (Could be from any time in your life, even before motherhood, during birth, or a quiet moment yesterday.)
2. Drop into the felt sense. Where do you feel that strength in your body? What sensations arise? Build a ‘home’ there.
3. Anchor it with a word or gesture. (Example: "I am strong" + hand on heart.)
4. Practice returning to it throughout the day. Especially when you're at your limit. As often as you need.
Why this works:
Your nervous system doesn't distinguish between a real experience and a vividly recalled one. When you access the memory of feeling strong and let your body feel that strength again, your nervous system registers: "Oh, I'm capable. I can handle this."
It shifts you out of panic mode and into a more regulated state where you can actually think, respond, and access your resources.
When I started using this:
- I had a go-to anchor for the hardest moments (hand on heart, breathe, "I am amazing and I’m figuring out something new")
- I could feel overwhelmed AND grounded at the same time
- I stopped spiraling into "I can't do this" when things got hard
- I remembered: the change is happening around me, but I can come back to myself
Why These Two Practices Work Together
Compassionate Self-Forgiveness releases what's not true. (The harsh judgments, the false beliefs, the "should" stories.)
Inner Resource connects you to what IS true. (You're strong. You're capable. You have what you need inside you.)
Together, they teach you:
- Everything happening around you doesn't mean you're out of your life as you know it (you're still whole)
- You can come back to yourself through forgiveness and anchoring
- Survival AND thriving are both possible, albeit in new ways
What Changed for Me
When I started using these practices consistently:
I stopped waiting to feel calm before I could access calm.
I learned that I could feel overwhelmed and still ground myself. Both could be true.
I stopped believing every harsh thought.
When the voice said "you're failing," I started asking "is that actually true?" The answer was always no.
I stopped feeling like I was losing myself.
The new life in front of me didn’t magically turn all hearts and roses. But I had tools to come back to myself. Again and again.
I started trusting that I was enough.
Not because I was doing everything right. But because I was whole and complete, exactly as I was.
You Don't Have to Do This Alone
I created two detailed guides for these practices because I needed them and they didn't exist. We get files and sheets and links on nursing and safe sleep and guides for other aspects of health and wellbeing but not this headspace, where we need to be set up for success to sort through everything else. I designed these for new mothers and tried to make it short and sweet so you can practice and get on with your day. New moms need practical tools, not aspirational wellness advice.
Download the Compassionate Self-Forgiveness Guide →here.
Download the Inner Resource Guide →here.
A Final Word
Motherhood is one of the most transformative experiences you'll ever go through. And transformation is messy. It's hard. It asks everything of you. But you don't have to lose yourself in it. You can release the harsh judgments. You can build an internal anchor. You can come back to yourself, again and again. You are whole. You are complete. You are enough. These practices are just tools to help you remember.
If this resonated with you, download the guides and try one practice today. Just one. See what shifts.
And if you're looking for more support - meditation practices, coaching, or resources for the fourth trimester and beyond - explore everything at catsprague.com/guides
You're not doing this alone.
